Running Mama Yogi

I had forgotten how beautiful Jimmy Eat World's "Hear You Me" is. The line about "...may angels lead you in" made me think of our little love who didn't make it to this big little world we inhabit. He is dancing in the stars and the heavens that are expansive and don't limit him. I love him; a little person who we never got to know. But I know he is happy and loved and that provides me with comfort. He was not meant for this world. I love you, my little love. I look forward to the time when we finally get to see one another face-to-face. Love always, Mama.

Tonight is night four of official sleep training. Since hubby is away during bedtime now during the week, and bedtimes had suddenly become a struggle - and sometimes as late as 9pm (wayyy too late!), I decided it was time to get little love into a routine in which she could rely upon herself to fall asleep. The first night was 45 minutes of absolute screaming. I busied my hands with dishes and chores, but was quite distracted and my heart hurt to hear her. Just as I was about to rush upstairs and scoop her into my arms, she stopped. Day two, she screamed again, but for 12 fewer minutes. I counted that as a win and I felt better hearing her cry when it stopped sooner than the day before. I knew I couldn't do two days straight of 45 minutes (or possibly more!) of screaming. Day three, she hugged me tightly with arms and legs before I put her in the crib, trying to keep from having to go to sleep alone. It was so sweet to have an actual hug, albeit, I'm sure it wasn't quite

I was really concerned that hubby working second shift would cause us to have a lot of arguments and drift apart.  There have been arguments and misunderstandings aplenty. However, in spite of our physical separation, our mental and emotional connection is so much stronger.  We try our hardest to communicate, and to be the cheerleader when the other is having a rough day or week or several weeks. I appreciate all the things he is and does for me, us, and our beautiful baby girl. Our hearts used to be more equitable to parallel lines - going in the same direction together, but separated by a space. Now, I feel they are like vines, intertwined and strong.