Down Shifting

Everyone who knew me, even as an acquaintance, knew I was someone who multitasked to get chores, tasks, deliverables, etc. done. I would fly around doing things so that everyone and everything had this that or the other thing. This left little time for me to take care of myself and just slow down to enjoy the little moments. I was sane enough to not be consumed by tasks when something big and important was going on, and i would put my full attention towards that experience. However, my personality meant that instead of snuggling with my husband on the couch, I would make sure that last load of laundry got some because it just mattered so darn much of he had enough boxers for the week (hint: he's a guy. I cared about this way more than he did).

One of the things that changed (with a few reminders from my awesome family) after Z came is that this desire to get everything done;  to have the perfectly manicured lawn/garden; to have a spotless house - went away. It became blindingly clear to me (again after a few scolds from my awesome family when I started to get the itch when I first came home from the hospital) that I could spend x amount of time doing these chores or I could be entirely present with my daughter and show her love and support and watch her grow. Yes, when she sleeps, and my husband isn't home, I take care of things that have to get done. Yes, I do have Z sit in her high chair and play or watch me as I prep dinner sometimes - because life does have to happen, but things also need to be accomplished.

I will say, if I had not decided to make this switch and simply enjoy being in Z's presence, I probably would not have observed her eyelashes grow in from the outer corner in; I may not have picked up on the fact she loves using her right hand for some things and her left hand for eating and the more fine motor skilled tasks; or that she always rolls to the left side when we put her into her crib to sleep; when and where she developed her first mole and the list goes on and on.

What I'm trying to say is that I don't miss the old portion of me that raced around getting things done all the time. If I had continued that, Z would know me as the person who gives her food and is sometimes around. I don't want to be that parent who is sometimes around or who misses out on the small and big things or who doesn't get to know their child because they are so stuck on whatever neuroses or sucked into their technology. (Yes, I find this somewhat ironic to type as I'm writing a blog- Z is sleeping, and I miss writing. So this blog is for me right now.)

I know life will continue to be busy, and chores will pile up. Eventually, Z will have her own chores so she understands what it means to contribute to the household and to have responsibilities. I would like to balance the necessity of this with teaching her to enjoy life (And I may have just blown my husband's mind by saying that).

I don't mind the mid night or early morning wake ups to feed her or getting up super early before work to spend time with her. I wouldn't have it any other way (Okay, I lied - getting a full night of uninterrupted sleep I could go for! But waking up to nourish and love on her, I do not mind at all).